You Failed - Congratulations!

The Power Of Getting It Wrong.

You failed - congratulations!

It hardly sounds celebratory, does it? If someone tossed those words at me after something didn’t go my way, I’d probably feel more insulted than comforted. But that’s probably because, like most of us, I grew up learning to measure my worth by what I achieve. To think that if I succeed, it means I’m good, and if I fail, it means there’s something wrong with me.

I think back to my childhood, how early we’re taught to attach gold stars, grades, and praise to proof of performance. Before we even understand what failure really means, we learn that getting it “right” earns love, attention, and approval. We chased perfect scores, clean records, and unblemished outcomes - because somewhere along the way, we began believing that mistakes are dangerous. That falling short means falling behind. That failing in anything, means failing as a person.

But if there's one thing I've learned on my path, it’s that this is complete bullshit.

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Oh The Times I’ve Failed

I’ve failed, you’ve failed, we’ve all failed. Yet, despite our track record, we carry this unspoken pressure to get it right on the first try. To succeed without stumbling. We treat every misstep like a life sentence; one mistake, one wrong turn, and suddenly failure feels like our whole identity.

For a long time, I was stuck in this mental trap. Every time I had a setback, I didn’t just see the failure; I saw a character flaw. I’d replay it, criticizing everything I could’ve done differently, drowning myself in hypotheses and what-ifs. In other words, i’d drive myself halfway insane with the rumination of my own thoughts.

It wasn’t until I started embracing the mistakes, that I actually saw growth. Not embracing as in romanticizing them or pretending they didn’t hurt - because, of course, they did. But embracing them as invitations: invitations to learn, to adjust, to let go of what I thought I knew, and to stop measuring my competency by how smoothly things went. After much trial and error, I realized - there’s no growth in self-punishment, in endlessly dissecting what I should’ve done, what I could’ve said, and how I might’ve controlled the outcome. And as long as I kept bombarding myself with these hypotheticals, I stayed stuck exactly where I was: analyzing instead of acting and criticizing instead of learning.

And once I allowed myself to treat mistakes as necessary steps rather than personal failures, things began to shift. I grew because I finally understood that mistakes aren’t detours from the path, they are the path. I learned that the kind of growth that comes from failure doesn’t happen in my mind - it happens in motion. In the willingness to move forward without all the answers, in the decision to keep going even when i’m carrying disappointment, in the courage to stay open to what life is trying to teach me, even when it’s humbling, even when it’s hard.

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Final Thoughts

Too often, we forget that the most interesting, resilient, deeply lived lives are not the ones where everything goes right; they’re the ones full of pivots, restarts, detours, recalibrations, and lessons that could only be learned by getting it wrong first.

Bringing it back to the title of this newsletter: I say “congratulations” because failing means you were willing to try for something. It means you were willing to reach beyond what was comfortable, to risk discomfort for the sake of something that mattered. Because with every failure, you’re closing the gap between where you are and where you’re going.

Think about it. We’re only blessed with one life - just one stretch of time to become who we are capable of becoming. And yet, how many of us spend that one life hesitating, second-guessing, and holding back because we’re afraid to get it wrong? How many of us spend years delaying our dreams because we fear the ache of failure in the pursuit?

So here’s your reminder of the week: failure is not the end. Actually, I like to believe that failure is a prerequisite to success. It stretches us in ways success can’t. It forces us to confront where we still have something to learn. It humbles us enough to listen more carefully, adapt more thoughtfully, and keep going more intentionally. You don’t learn who you are when everything’s working out, you learn it in the moments when it all falls apart and you have to decide whether you’ll try again. The real failure isn’t getting it wrong. The real failure is choosing not to begin at all, out of fear that you might.

Keep going. Because at the end of the day, failure is inevitable. But whether or not it breaks you, that’s a choice. And when you understand that, failure stops being something to fear and starts being something you’re willing to face, again and again, in devotion to the life you’re building.

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Reflection Prompts

Instead of asking how you can avoid failure, ask yourself:

• How can I move through it better?

• How can I learn from it and recover stronger?

• How can I fail in a way that moves me forward, not back?

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Your Reminder For This Week 🦋

Fear of failing will cost you more than failure ever will.

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With so much love always,

Nelly Maré | Serenity Scripts